NaNoWriMo

It's November once more, and for many many authors, that means it's that time of year when writing can become a bit frenzied as we work to meet the daily word count and end of month goal of finishing a first draft of a 50,000 word novel. Now, this year, I was all ready in the process of writing a first draft. I am currently hard at work writing Book Five of my Sitnalta Series, a book that I'm calling The False Princess. This book has been exceptionally difficult for me to write, because I've always known what's going to happen towards the end of it. This has been a scene I've been dreading writing. And last night, as I hit 60,000 words, I got to THAT scene. I really wish that I could talk about it here, and I hate vague-blogging, but I kind of need to purge my feelings on some things. Now, I have never shied away from killing people in my books. People who have read my writing know that. Aside from one notable exception, people who die in my writing tend to stay dead. I was never really a fan of magical resurrections, even in a world filled with magic. For me, as a reader, knowing that there was some undo button out there tended to cheapen the character's sacrifice, or lessen the tension of what was going on. So, when I do what I did, I knew that there was no coming back from that. Of course, as the one controlling the keyboard, I could always hit backspace (and I did. Several times.)

I have a lot of trouble killing characters that I love. And yes, as their creator, I put a lot of work into making them real, and giving them life. I know that there are authors out there who almost seem to relish putting a sword through their fictional babies, and that's fine for them. But in this case, it was particularly hard. My husband walked in on me sitting by my laptop crying. It was as if I'd lost a friend. And in a way, I had. Some of these characters had been with me for twenty years. And I knew that the scenes to come would be draining to write. I'm still working through them. This blog is my distraction for all the sticky, messy writing work that comes next. This book kind of feels like a monster to write. It's certainly going to be the longest in the series so far, and it effectively closes a chapter in Colonodona's history, and in the lives of all of these characters. I wish I could tell you what I did. I still feel guilty, even after sleeping on it. But I won't undo it. It's too important that it happened. Maybe soon, we can have a proper conversation about it, with no names redacted. :)

Until publication day! (My optimistic rallying cry!)